Lost in the Woods

I am greatly limited when not having campus internet and being at home with only my iPhone  to post from. I am doing ok. I have a lot to still work on and hopefully can do some work on this blog. I will be working on a blog on the lighter side of life called Cabin Bitch.  Going to discuss life just as it is living in a cabin in Alaska! TOOTLES!

Her lipstick leaves perfect imprints
On his mug as she finishes his coffee
The cup is wonderful like him
Even if it is chipped.

The red envelope
ripped open
the card
In her hands.

Her heartm
flutters
beating with
the kitchen clock.

Smiling softly
she slowly opens the card
reaching for another chocolate
In the box next to the cup.

She reads his words again
her heart beats faster
her smile grows wide
showing a bit of chocolate
on her lower lip.

The clock struck midnight
the box of chocolates empty
like the kitchen is now

But his chipped mug
now full of her tea
lipstick still staining
the empty box
The dog ratted card
made her full again

Posting live from Mikes house! Getting ready just to chill. This semester went bad, except for the math class which thankfully I passed with the help of a friend!

Just read this again and I forgot how much I love Tennyson!!

O YOUNG Mariner,
You from the haven
Under the sea-cliff,
You that are watching
The gray Magician
With eyes of wonder,
I am Merlin,
And I am dying,
I am Merlin
Who follow The Gleam.

Mighty the Wizard
Who found me at sunrise
Sleeping, and woke me
And learn’d me Magic!
Great the Master,
And sweet the Magic,
When over the valley,
In early summers,
Over the mountain,
On human faces,
And all around me,
Moving to melody,
Floated The Gleam.

Once at the croak of a Raven who crost it,
A barbarous people,
Blind to the magic,
And deaf to the melody,
Snarl’d at and cursed me.
A demon vext me,
The light retreated,
The landskip darken’d,
The melody deaden’d,
The Master whisper’d
“Follow The Gleam.”

Then to the melody,
Over a wilderness
Gliding, and glancing at
Elf of the woodland,
Gnome of the cavern,
Griffin and Giant,
And dancing of Fairies
In desolate hollows,
And wraiths of the mountain,
And rolling of dragons
By warble of water,
Or cataract music
Of falling torrents,
Flitted The Gleam.

Down from the mountain
And over the level,
And streaming and shining on
Silent river,
Silvery willow,
Pasture and plowland,
Horses and oxen,
Innocent maidens,
Garrulous children,
Homestead and harvest,
Reaper and gleaner,
And rough-ruddy faces
Of lowly labour,
Slided The Gleam.–

Then, with a melody
Stronger and statelier,
Led me at length
To the city and palace
Of Arthur the king;
Touch’d at the golden
Cross of the churches,
Flash’d on the Tournament,
Flicker’d and bicker’d
From helmet to helmet,
And last on the forehead
Of Arthur the blameless
Rested The Gleam.

Clouds and darkness
Closed upon Camelot;
Arthur had vanish’d
I knew not whither,
The king who loved me,
And cannot die;
For out of the darkness
Silent and slowly
The Gleam, that had waned to a wintry glimmer
On icy fallow
And faded forest,
Drew to the valley
Named to the shadow,
And slowly brightening
Out of the glimmer,
And slowly moving again to a melody
Yearningly tender,
Fell on the shadow,
No longer a shadow,
But clothed with The Gleam.

And broader and brighter
The Gleam flying onward,
Wed to the melody,
Sang thro’ the world;
And slower and fainter,
Old and weary,
But eager to follow,
I saw, whenever
In passing it glanced upon
Hamlet or city,
That under the Crosses
The dead man’s garden,
The mortal hillock,
Would break into blossom;
And so to the land’s
Last limit I came–
And can no longer,
But die rejoicing,
For thro’ the Magic
Of Him the Mighty,
Who taught me in childhood,
There on the border
Of boundless Ocean,
And all but in Heaven
Hovers The Gleam.

Not of the sunlight,
Not of the moonlight,
Not of the starlight!
O young Mariner,
Down to the haven,
Call your companions,
Launch your vessel,
And crowd your canvas,
And, ere it vanishes
Over the margin,
After it, follow it,
Follow The Gleam.

- Tennyson

Have not checked in in a long time. I have been having a rough semester and am doing worse in a lot of ways. The loss of a friend, my daughter Amanda being kicked out. Unable to Clem this disaster of a house and everything in between.

To top it off migraines from hell that are effecting my school. To top it off deep depression, no mania and no gumpstion to keep myself up. Hard to find the energy to even shower. I need to work on this blog. It is theraputic to say the least.

More to come

My main page on my website is now memoriam my friend Geoff Gilbert. memorial to Geoff Gilbert please visit and these other sites:

To anyone that wants to help support Geoff’s family in this difficult time you… can also send support via paypal to geoffgilbertmemorialfund@hotmail.com

In memory of Geoff Gilbert: Donations may be made to “The Gilbert Family Fund” at any Security State Bank or mailed to: “Gilbert Family Fund” c/o Security State Bank PO Box 1427 Chehalis, WA 98532 or “Gilbert Family Fund” c/o W.F. West High School 342 SW 16th St Chehalis, WA 98352

Crash proves fatal to Yakima Symphony trumpet player
Chehalis educator killed in I-5 crash

Please visit http://twistedsistah.com and see the memorial I built for Geoff. It has information on what happened and also information on how to help the family.

http://m.chronline.com/mobile/article_119b2fda-15a8-11df-8350-001cc4c03286.html

He passed this morning. I got the phone call from my parents this afternoon. I am in shock. I shared so much with him so many years ago. He was not just a family friend he was someone that always held a special spot in my heart. His sister was another one of my best friends. I had lost touch with many due to being a military wife and just losing touch.

Makes me glad that we have social networks such as Facebook.com. I found his page today. Looked at all the happy family photos. He was in such a good place in his life. My heart goes out to his family. They all have been through so much. He deserved more time.

I feel empty and so sad.

So here I sit watching the fluff speech by Obama and still thinking about the 50% increase in stock value of Apple before Steve Jobs announcement of the iPad and wondering how it will play out.

So here it is 2010. I made it home fine with all my luggage in tow. Geoff could not get me from the airport so I took a taxi home. When I get there the cat had decided the litter box was not up to par so I had to clean that mess up right away. Than things got weird. I really cannot tell you much because it is pretty much a blank.

I experienced a major sense of displacement and feeling out of sorts. Geoff has told me things three and four times because I am not rembering asking. Then to top that off I have Benny experiencing a horrid flu/cold that according to doctor is more than likely swine flu. I do however tend to disagree so far with that because after having a horrid day yesterday with a high fever, I am doing ok today. Still am sick but no where what it was yesterday.

Oh, and my Blackberry died or was in the process. They wanted $45 for a new battery and my keypad and trackball were going. With $125 deductible what was the point? So for about $30 more dollars Geoff decided that it was time I got my iPhone. I have to say I love it so much more than the Blackberry. I did like that phone but after two years I think it did it’s job.

Now I am waiting on my grants, scholarships and loans to get here. Having them direct deposited was supposed to allow us to get our funds earlier. Since we have no physical book store everything has to be ordered online. I will be starting my semester off without books. Lovely! Three English classes and a math class with no books!

So I am back in Fairbanks, starting school in two days, and feeling like death warmed over. Should be a great rest of the week!