Lost in the Woods

Have not checked in in a long time. I have been having a rough semester and am doing worse in a lot of ways. The loss of a friend, my daughter Amanda being kicked out. Unable to Clem this disaster of a house and everything in between.

To top it off migraines from hell that are effecting my school. To top it off deep depression, no mania and no gumpstion to keep myself up. Hard to find the energy to even shower. I need to work on this blog. It is theraputic to say the least.

More to come

So here it is 2010. I made it home fine with all my luggage in tow. Geoff could not get me from the airport so I took a taxi home. When I get there the cat had decided the litter box was not up to par so I had to clean that mess up right away. Than things got weird. I really cannot tell you much because it is pretty much a blank.

I experienced a major sense of displacement and feeling out of sorts. Geoff has told me things three and four times because I am not rembering asking. Then to top that off I have Benny experiencing a horrid flu/cold that according to doctor is more than likely swine flu. I do however tend to disagree so far with that because after having a horrid day yesterday with a high fever, I am doing ok today. Still am sick but no where what it was yesterday.

Oh, and my Blackberry died or was in the process. They wanted $45 for a new battery and my keypad and trackball were going. With $125 deductible what was the point? So for about $30 more dollars Geoff decided that it was time I got my iPhone. I have to say I love it so much more than the Blackberry. I did like that phone but after two years I think it did it’s job.

Now I am waiting on my grants, scholarships and loans to get here. Having them direct deposited was supposed to allow us to get our funds earlier. Since we have no physical book store everything has to be ordered online. I will be starting my semester off without books. Lovely! Three English classes and a math class with no books!

So I am back in Fairbanks, starting school in two days, and feeling like death warmed over. Should be a great rest of the week!

One final almost done. Just have to matte and frame the photos for the photo show for my Inkjet printing class. It will be nice, I am calling it Since and Sensuality because there are so many sexual undertones to these macro shot photos. The teacher looked at them and said they were beautiful, which meant a lot because I was not sure I had pulled it off. I will be hanging them on Monday the 14th and they will be in the UAF Wood Center from then till February 18th! I will try to get some up on here so I can show it off and on Facebook. But I am not at home at the moment and won’t be able to do that till I have access to my Mac Pro at home. This is just a Toshiba and has no photo editing programs that will change the tif’s into jpegs.

I am going to try and write a paper to get it in on time for my class tomorrow but I doubt it. I am staying at a friend’s while Geoff is in Arizona and I have a hard time writing anywhere then at home. I then have to re-do one paper for that class and write a paper on King Lear that is due on the 14th too. I also have a final for the last class and two reading responses to write so I can at least have a chance for an A in that class, but I will settle for the B just so I have it done!

Thank goodness for Xanax because I have such high anxiety not being able to have the solace and safety of being at home. My mom sent me a Thanksgiving check so I have some money to take a taxi home tomorrow at least so I can clean the house for the kids when they get there on Friday and so I have one night to just CHILL and watch some TV on my big TV instead of the laptop. It has been so hard getting up in the morning because he gets up hours before I usually do, my friend that is. I got the right medications now so I know that is helping but my body and brain are still drug addled when I wake up. Plus not sleeping in my own bed and sharing a futon with two large dogs and my friend makes it hard for me to get to sleep so I have to top off my normal night meds with a half a Xanax just to sleep, but that is ok just makes me drugged out in the morning.

I managed to get back to my friend’s house on the new Grey Line bus route without completely going into a full on anxiety attack. Taking the bus always makes me so nervous, not sure why. It could be from the year I spent working for the local school bus company and having it bring back memories of my life before the divorce. It also could be because it is at night. But I managed to ride home yesterday night and early this morning on my own without missing it and without incident. I did not even have to take a Xanax this morning, mainly because I think because I had my final printed, and I found out a week early, which is never a bad thing.  So, I did not have to race to print, and I am the only one done. I am worried about cutting my mattes because the pictures are not perfect 11×14 inches they are more like 10.766×16.369 inches and one that is another off size. But I know I can do it just have to not freak out. Hopefully the frames that Jason has sitting in his office are fixable and I do not have to buy anymore because we are so short on money this time of year.

As for school next semester, I still am wondering if I want to fight with the financial aid office or just hope that my Pell Grant covers the whole tuition and books. Or I just take two classes and go from there. This is a definite possibility and maybe the best idea to give me a chance at getting my aid back for next year. It is going to be forever till I graduate, which kills me but we will see. After I finish these three classes we will see how bad it was that my math class was dropped this semester. I just hope I am back up to 75% completion so I can have my aid without a fight. I have to get a letter from my adviser again to say she thinks I can handle the four credits and supports me so the office will grant me my financial aid, but as I said before I am done stressing about that.

I have three weeks to be with my kids in WA for the holidays and although I will miss Geoff so much I will be able to relax and enjoy a vacation, the first in five years, out of state and with my family. I have not seen my brother or his family since summer of 2004, so it will be very nice for me.

So things are going better and hopefully I can pull off not failing Shakespeare again. I am going to give it my all, but I am not writing well enough for the teacher and so the best I can really hope for is to not fail. Even if I have to take it a third time or take it in the Spring with another teacher, I will do it. I have to, or all of this will have been for nothing.

• freezing and excited about getting my license on thursdsay! Thanks Dad #
• missed the mteor shower. fell asleep snuggled in his arms. Still sick and has to remeber to turn her ringer off at night #
• watching 300 while I try to recover from this crude!! #
• proving i can tweet from the crackberry by going to their website just for you nino! #
• celibrating Geoff's birthday nine is on Sunday! yay #
• stalker #
• Futurama time that shower made me feel so much better no more body aches!! #
• watching more Harry Potter and liking ATT more and more! #
• figured out how to turn device notices onto her mobile SIMS #
• obviously no one is awake but me no twittering or facebook activity going on slept to much today!! #
• Earin' Mstard and Pretzels. Yummy #
• I am finally going to try and get some sleep. iHome take me away!! #
• has 3 days left till her birthday ugh!! awake again and thinking about her friends at Summer Cornet ad the process of getting her license #
• is up and has makeup done and curling hair! license day!! #
• going to take my written test wish me luck #
• feeling better after her nap going to relax with some light reading with a serial killer novel #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• at the michael feldman show!! #
• Chilling out after What'Ya Know. Listen tomorrow on 89.9 KUAC. It rocked #
• xanax and waking up at 3 AM do not work! #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Tie dying new shirts for the Anderson Bluegrass Festival!! WOOOT! Staying in Clear till than!! #
• Glad i am not in the heat of Squarebanks! Had a wonderful halibut lasagna with white sauce that was to die fore! #
• Just one more day till the festival and what happens? I get a stomach bug… UGH #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Still house and dog sitting. Broke a foot this weekend… chilling out in the fires. It is not smokey as much as foggy!! #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• I just assisted in the kegstands, I did NOT PARTICIPATE! I swear! The party was lovely & the people & the food!! & the dogs kept us warm #
• I sold the laptop. I will miss her a lot… But at least we are going to be ok financially! #
• Sitting here wondering why … I mean why are we bothering to care? #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• I need to sell my laptop and get a job. I am so behind in rent and I just want to crawl in a hole and have my own pity party #
• Macbook for sale for 500 comes with Adobe CS4 and Office Mac 2008
  See my rings for sale on http://twistedsistah.com/
  Yes I am shameles … #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• FORBES SHOWER ROCKS…. DOUBLE SHOWER WITH MY MAN!! well one of my men… MY BEST FRIEND! SMMOOOOCHES ALL!!! #

Powered by Twitter Tools.