Lost in the Woods

I am sitting here at the Seatac Airport stressed out. The great thing is that the only reason I am able to post this without logging in with my Crackberry is because Goggle has given free Wi-Fi to the Airport travelers till January 15th. Now do not get me wrong, free is free, but considering the last few weeks and our current airport meltdowns due to Umar Abdulmutallab‘s extremely bizarre and completely idiotic act of attempted bombing on that Detroit flight with him flying in from Yemen, I believe we should have free wi-fi. Not just now, but from now on. I had to get up at the crack of dawn, be at the curb, check my bag because I came back with more than I left with, make it through security and than board a subterranean train to get to the satellite gates for Alaskan Airlines! The funny thing is that my two carry-on bags consist of one laptop case and my new sewing machine my mother gave me for Christmas!

The other reason for being freaked out is the weather in Fairbanks! Though we have  not had a true -40 degree weather it is still close. Weatherbug.com is saying it is -36.9 with the windchill. The other channels keep saying it is not even -30 degrees. Who knows. All I know is I screwed up and did not wear a nice layer of clothing. Thank goodness I packed gloves and my mom and dad bought me this bad ass cashmere and silk scarf AND that I have my Carhart jacket! so I can make it for the 8 mile trip. The other thing is, I did not smoke the whole time I was on my vacation and now I want one so badly but I do not want to give in and smoke again. Why lose what I can have as a gain, without a New Years resolution. The only problem with be Geoff smoking. I wish he had quit when I had.

Anyway the plane is about to get read to board, and I need to find a bathroom before I get on, and power this down till they let me take it out again. Who knows perhaps I will just watch my iPod.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and New Year! It is time for a new wonderful year of 2010!

Warmer weather and a warmer heart. My girls are doing great. Josephine started her period and is thrilled.  I remember when I started my period, I was just a little bit older then Josephine, six weeks before my thirteenth birthday. She is a few months away from hers. She says she feels fine and that is a good thing. I felt horrible. I suffered all my life till I finally had to throw myself at the mercy of an OBGYN at Bassett Army Community Hospital and he scheduled me within 6 weeks for a partial hysterectomy. I had been bleeding heavily, even when taking four times the normal dose of the strongest birth control on the market. That and I was still working hard as an attendant for the local school bus service.

It is warmer out, finally. But now we have over a foot of snow to shovel off the top of his mother’s house. Poor Geoff is going to have to start that in the next few days. His work staff is having their own round of bad luck, from eviction because of a crappy landlord who frauded them when he knew his rental house was being reposessed by the bank, another employee lost a good friend to murder; which at least they caught the guys that did it, and his main supervisor accidently shut the door to their garage onto her car causing their heat and water to go in the house. Poor Geoff and everyone else. Not to mention his soon to be new supervisor almost miscarrying her baby and being on bed rest. It has been one hell of a ride.

Me, I am still dealing with my ex-husband over the misunderstsanding and med situation. I had been splitting my Seroquel that was slow release, in half and so I was getting the meds but not at the dose I needed. I had  my insurance kick in and went on the dose I was already on but it hit my body like a liter of vodka. I lost my mind.  It makes me even  more vexed over the pice of medication. I cannot live a normal life without it and my ex-husband is using it against me. Wants to prove that I was not drunk the day I called when the medication issues hit me in the middle of a conversation with his new wife. How am I suppose to do that? If he requires me to go down to the court house or police department and do a UA and they find nothing, he will be held in contempt of court for denying me visitation, which he has for over a month. All I can suggest is picking up some of the do it yourself UA tests from our local health store, Sunshine Health Foods.

The visitation is set for this Friday through Sunday so we shall see. He also wants Geoff out of the equation in our discussions, yet he insists that Geoff has to be there for visitation to happen, how does that work? It does not, he cannot have his cake and eat it too. Plus he is in Iraq and I am not going to hesitate if I have to to fight for what is mine to have, what is court ordered. But at the same time I do not want to cause more problems. He is a powerful, manipulative man and his wife is smart and knows how to work it well. I cannot trust them, but yet I have too. Another road-block put into my life because of my disorder. I am not saying I am not responsible, for I am, but I am also not fully responsible because I never was given the support I needed from him to find out what was wrong and get better. Who knows, I could still be married to him if he had done that. But I am sure I would not be doing much better.

So I sit and realize school starts in ten days. I am terrified because I have two literature classes and one with a teacher I do not know. The class is on Jane Austen, and I love all her writing and have bought all the books we will be reading but instead of reading those to get a head start I am immersed in reading books written by a UAF Alumni, C.E. Murphy. I was turned onto them by one of her friends and an employee of Barnes & Noble here in Fairbanks. My local refuge when I want to curl up with my laptop, or a good book and a hot soy latte. I will need to finish the second in the series I am reading and read the first book we will be covering. Then I can finish the trilogy as a treat to me, since I blow through them in a day or two.

All and all it has been a decent week. The full moon seems to have thrown me a little off, since I still do have hormones from my ovaries shooting through me when it would normally be time for me to mensturate. I should take advantage of it with my own spirtuality but I have not done a lot of that since being with my atheist partner, Geoff. Hopefully the weather will hold off and stay this way for a few days so we can get the snow off the roof, which means we can have a fire in the fireplace!